When I was 30 years old, I found myself unexpectedly divorced. Single. Alone. All I knew how to do was be half of a couple. Taking no time to mourn or adjust, I immediately began searching for another half. And so began the longest EIGHT years of my life!
My first relationship lasted about a year and a half. I thought we would marry. We didn’t, but we did stay friends. That is, until he got a new girlfriend who wouldn’t let him be friends with me. He married her.
The next one lasted about a year. That’s when I discovered that I wasn’t his only girlfriend. Worse, I wasn’t even his main girlfriend. I was The Other Woman! He married her.
There was one that seemed almost perfect. We had so much in common. We discovered that we’d repeatedly been in the same places at the same time. Our kids were the same ages. Things moved quickly in a short amount of time. Suddenly, he brought it to a screeching halt, claiming that he needed to get close to God before he could deal with a new relationship. Apparently the “god” that he wanted to get close to was the other woman he was dating. He married her.
A married friend once fixed me up with one of her single friends. We didn’t click. However, a few years later, when my friend was single again… He married her.
I can’t say they were non-commital.
In the midst of all of this, I received a lot of Truly.Horrible.Advice:
Play hard to get. Stop letting them know that you’re interested. Men like the chase.
At what point is it safe to let him know that I’m interested? At our wedding reception? After we have a couple of kids? I’m pretty sure that the moment I become interested is when he starts chasing something else.
Play the game. Don’t be so available.
So, after I turn down the date, and I’m sitting at home eating ice cream alone, at what point do I realize that I’m winning at this stupid game?
You’ll find someone when you stop looking.
Really? Don’t most people stop looking when they’ve commited to someone else? That seems like a really inconvenient time to find The One.
My response to all of the bad advice was that I won’t play games. If a guy thinks there’s something wrong with me because I like him, I’ll take his word for it. After all, he knows himself better than anyone. If he says, “It’s not you, it’s me,” I believe him. When he says, “You deserve better,” I agree!
I decided to hold out for a decent man with enough confidence and self-esteem to know that he was worthy of my affection. It turns out that such a man existed. Now all I hear is “Where did you find him?” and how lucky I am to have him. This had nothing to do with luck. This was work! I found him by looking hard and praying harder, never giving up, never settling and by not listening to bad advice.
Some say that I had to go through all of that to appreciate what I have. I’d like to think that I’m intelligent enough to appreciate a good man without being lied to, cheated on and propositioned by married men. But if this was the only road that would lead me here, then I’m glad I took it… because He.Married.Me